Look, I am trying really hard to not talk about this wedding stuff. In fact, I’m pretty much past wedding stuff and have headed straight into nesting. But not domestic nesting. It’s more like a “all-of-my-crap-and-none-of-your-crap-because-you-have-poor-taste” kind of nesting.
So, since Mr. Man and I are getting married, we are getting pre-marital counseling. I like going in and pretending that the counselor is my therapist, but then I start going into why I’m not speaking to my dog because he deliberately disobeyed me and sometimes I need respect more than affection and my dog just rolls his eyes, farts, and walks out of the room. Then Mr. Man does that leg-pat thing. You know, where the guy avoids looking at you out of embarrassment and then slowly pats your leg twice as if to say, “shut-up before you start talking about the Nazi’s again.” Yeah. Mr. Man does the leg-pat thing to me a lot in our sessions.
The counselor is incredibly cool, though. We really lucked out. Then again, I kinda pretended that he was high during one of our sessions so that I wouldn’t be caught up in how slow he was talking because that kind of thing pisses me off and reminds me of the Nazi’s.
Part of the whole counseling shtick requires us to take these really in-depth relationship-personality tests. Our counselor decided we should focus on the items in the negative column. After about five minutes of “Brandi… you have colorful and… multi-faceted… personality problems,” I decided that the only marriage advice I will take with me into my future marriage is “smile and nod, and punch Mr. Man in the throat right as he is about to fall asleep.” (I may have altered that. Or made it up entirely.)
I’m totally going to win at marriage.
