The best man for my upcoming awesome-raptor-amazing-wedding-a-thon messaged me this weekend saying, “do you want to go on a magical adventure!?” and me automatically thinking unicorns were involved, I said “HELLZ YEAH!”
Turns out, he was having one of those appendicitis things.
(That’s the thing where the alien rips through your lower intestines and rapes your childhood memories, right? Because that is totally what happened. In my head. Which counts.)
Mr. Man and I went to the hospital with Justin (the dude with the alien) and waited around for an eternity for a doctor to check him out. While we waited, we told each other horribly racist jokes. You know, to lift Justin’s spirits. Or something.
The janitors pretty much hated us by the end of the night because they didn’t get the jokes. Probably because we were speaking English the entire time.
When the doctor showed up, we found that he is Asian. I’m not saying that to point that he was obviously a good doctor because he’s Asian. I’m pointing out that the doctor is Asian because he was wearing cowboy boots with his scrubs. That’s right, ladies and gents, an Asian cowboy operated on my friend.
My friend finally went into surgery at 1:30-ish in the morning to get a part of his manhood removed. The doctor also totally took advantage of him while he was under anesthesia. He just won’t admit it. Because he is Asian.
All-in-all, my weekend was boring and racist, which is totally ok with me. Until those charges the Asian doctor filed against me go through.
I might be full of tequila right now.
